Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
