i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
