Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
