You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
