is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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