I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
