We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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