If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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