Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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