We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
