I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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