At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
