He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
