wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
