from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize