Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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