I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
