If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
