I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize