I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
