then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize