Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
