whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
