Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
