totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
