Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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