i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
