apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
