summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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