We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
