Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
