She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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