I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
