I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
