The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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