he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
