Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
