I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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