at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
