i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You can't just leave with hair like that
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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