Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
did i just pee glitter
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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