I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
