Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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