Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
