I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The beer is more important than you right now.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
