Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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