I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
