And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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