never play flip cup with pint glasses
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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