you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I have demons in me.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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