I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
