and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
