True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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