is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
