there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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