he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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