the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
