I can't watch pbs sober anymore
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
