I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
