yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
