called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
