At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
