It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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