He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
as a side note pls kill me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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