i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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