No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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