Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
