I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
