Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
