Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
