her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm jealous of your bromance
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
