She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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