omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
