So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
