Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
